


Pearl Gets Drunk and Falls Off A Building

by Void_Felinoid



Series: Drunk Pearl [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Drinking, Drunk Pearl, Gen, Lots of 4th wall breaking, Pepe's Burgers, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 06:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Void_Felinoid/pseuds/Void_Felinoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would have happened in Mr. Greg had Pearl been a helpless drunk? Well, we surely do not know yet from the title, so let's explore that possibility here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pearl Gets Drunk and Falls Off A Building

“Whoa!” Steven yells out, “Your song is on TV!”

 

“Yeah,” Greg replies, “Apparently, Marty sold my song as a burger jingle, and now I'm filthy stinking rich.”

 

“The sweet stench of success,” Steven says with a sigh.

 

Pearl drunkenly stumbles over to the TV, and emptily stares at the burger on the TV, not hiding the fact that she is desperately craving a burger. She turns over to Greg, “What the fuck is this?” She barely manages to ask, nearly falling over.

 

“You know, when Rose came to my concert the night we met, I was playing this song.” Greg says to Steven, trying his hardest to ignore Pearl and her drunkenness.

 

Pearl snorts loudly, “Ol' Rosey fell for this shit?” She asks, and slowly paws at the burger on the TV, “Burgers is what made her fall fer ya?”

 

“It wasn't about burgers back then.” Greg says, returning his gaze to the TV, “She probably would've liked this, though, right?”

 

Pearl giggles, “Fuck no, grego.” She then falls over and passes out.

 

Greg groans, and turns off the TV. “So, what are we gonna do with all the money?” Steven asks him.

 

“I don't know,” He replies. Then there was that whole song about a bunch of shit not costing stuff, but who cares, we want more drunk pearl. Let's just skip over the song and get to the part with Pearl. Oh, no, no, I fast-forwarded too far, hold on... ok no, no, fuck, hold on. Okay, fine, whatever, let's stop it here.

 

“Subways that run from Brooklyn to the bowery!” Greg yells in a sing-song way, “Empire City!” Steven sings along, “Empire City!”

 

“And let's bring Pearl!” Steven yells out, pointing to Pearl, who is currently nursing her hangover with a bottle of gin.

 

“What?” Greg asks, and Pearl looks up to both of them squinty-eyed, “Iunno, St... Steber, Stever?” She says with both hands on her temples, “Three, uh, ugh, three is crowd, I think. Seven is a crowd? Seven... Seven Universe, that it.”

 

“Steven,” Greg whispers to Steven, obviously, who the fuck else would he be whispering that to, “Me and Pearl haven't gotten along that well since, uh... well, since she started drinking.”

 

“Aw, come on!” Steven yells out, getting up, “We're all a big family; it'll be great. Just you, me, Pearl, and don't forget Jack Daniels!” As Steven says this, he pulls a bottle of Jack Daniels out of Lion's mane. Also, Lion was here this whole time, but he was just outside of the camera, you see.

 

I accidentally skipped over whatever the fuck Greg and Pearl said in response to this, but whatever, it's all the way at the part where they are at the hotel; Le Hotel, I think. Yeah, great name for a hotel. Oh, okay, wait, so it's... hold on, yeah, okay, it's around when you see Pearl again, okay. It's like, what, halfway through the Mr. Greg song? Yeah, there she is, holding that bottle of Jack. Alright, looks like the part where she starts singing, nice.

 

“I muss admit,” Pearl says, nearly falling into the fountain. “You must admit!” Greg and Steven say as they pull her back up.

 

“Is good fit.” She continues, pulling on the bow-tie of her suit. “You look great in it!” Greg and Steven add.

 

“An this 'ere fountain, man,” She says, hardly even singing at all, more like loud mumbling, “shit's cash.” She wiggles her way out of Greg and Steven's grip, and begins to stumble around as she continues. “This city... shit's cash.... but barn, uh, barn bad.” She stops for a second to try and think of something that rhymes with cash, “An any time with, uh, stash, makes for a delight... um, night? What time, what time it?”

 

“Looks like she's having fun,” Greg whispers to Steven, “Whatchu say?” Pearl asks, leaning on a dancing cane.

 

“So dance with me,” Greg says, taking her hand, “Just say-”

 

Pearl slaps him across the face, but before she can say anything, she passes the fuck out. Like, she just fuckin' dropped, man. Out cold. Who knows when she's gonna wake up. I think you know where this is going, yeah, yeah, we are fast-forwarding, go ahead and bitch all you want; I got the fucking remote. I ain't here for some stupid father-son bonding, I'm here for Pearl.

 

Okay, I'll admit, some context would have been nice here but let's just zoom right into this scene, uh. Yeah, I'll try and explain it. so like, Pearl's up there at the bed, looking over Greg and Steven, who are sharing the bed for some weird reason. Like, come on, does this room seriously only have one bed? Whatever, so she's looking at them, and there's like... a piano? Yeah, there's a piano in the background. Looks like we're gonna get some quality Pearl singing, and she looks- oh holy shit no, she is drunk as hell. Eh, take what you can get, y'know.

 

Okay, so she's just watching them sleep, but, like, she did explain that she likes to watch Steven sleep, so that's not too weird. Wait, does she like to watch Greg sleep, too? Is she like, getting off on these two sleeping, or something? I feel like someone should call the police. She looks over to a bouquet of roses, and tries to grab one, knocking over the whole thing and causing a giant fucking mess. She drops the rose that she picked up because it scratched her, and then she walks over to the balcony. Looks like it's singing time; get hype.

 

“I wuz chill,” She begins singing, immediately throwing off the beat, “Uhh... King of the Hill... something about men, but mostly about Rose.”

 

She attempts to put on a top hat, but she lost that a while ago, so now she's just grabbing at her hair, “I wuz chill, 'cause you was ill,” She continues, now looking over the balcony, “But those uh, they... the men, didn't matter, but uh, you... you mattered, or something.”

 

Steven wakes up from all this commotion Pearl is causing, and looks over to see her on the balcony, before she suddenly loses her footing, falling off of the balcony and fucking **DYING**.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, sorry. Also, thanks to everyone that left kudos and comments on Pearl Gets Drunk and Dies, much much appreciated.


End file.
